They've arrived in Florida...

I just got off the phone with my fam. Mom and Matt left PA yesterday (driving in Matt's car). They arrived back at home base in Clermont around 5pm today.

Matt was checked out by a surgeon before leaving and was given the go-ahead to leave. He'll have to go back in ~3 weeks. So, yes, that drive will have to happen again. But, insurance being what it is... Matt cannot recieve care in FL without a significant cost.

So, he's doing alright. I got to talk to him for awhile... he sounds OK. The current thinking is that he'll not be fully recovered for 6-8 MONTHS. blah. So, his life is being taken in little chunks. No decisions until the next Dr. visit in 3 weeks.

Thanks for you prayers so far... and thanks (in advance) for your continued prayers.

There's other stuff going on... but it all pales in comparison to my brother... so I'll write about it later.

Update on my bro...

So... here's the next chapter in the story:

Matt had surgery this morning. It went very well; the surgeon called my mom (a former nurse) and filled her in on the details. A rod was inserted into his tibia (the bigger bone in your lower leg), from the knee to the ankle. Here is a poster I found online with pictures of how that happens... if you're curious.

He is completely immobilized for at least 6 weeks - with a cast from hip to foot.

He will be in recovery for about 6 months.

Mom is flying from Orlando to Philly tomorrow @ 8am. Her best friend, Janice, is running the rescue operation - picking her up at PHL and driving her to Lehigh Valley Hospital in Allentown PA. They'll get Matt's car keys from him and then drive to the ski resort to get his car. From there, we're not quite sure how things will work.

What I do know is this: Mom will take care of Matt until he's ready (and released) to fly. He'll be moving in with Mom and Dad in Florida so they can take care of him while he recuperates.

Be praying for my family please. It's going to be a tough time. My brother is a very active and independent guy... who is not going to handle immobility very well, I don't think.

Please pray for my brother...

I called my dad yesterday, to tell him how happy I was that he is still alive and well (he had a heart attack 10 years ago that almost killed him!).

He told me that he had been planning to call me (which is odd, since we always talk on Sundays, not Wednesdays). Turns out that my brother Matt (who is 30) was skiing (alone, I think) in the Pocono Mountains of PA. He had a fall/crash and broke his leg. He called mom from the ambulance on his way to the hospital in NE PA somewhere.

Well... it wasn't just a clean break. He didn't get patched up and casted and sent home. He was admitted.

Apparently, it's a "rotation fracture of the tibia and fibula with fragments". I understand the basics of that... and it's not good. He'll have surgery, probably today, to install a rod from his knee to his ankle!! (For my Presby/Fuller friends, I've asked Reese for help on this, if he knows any more than I do!)

That said, please pray for my brother... and the rest of the family as we seek to find a way to minster and care for him from so far away!!

Random things...

1. Presby retreat last weekend was wonderful! My pictures are on my photo website which is listed over there: ------------------------>

2. I noticed a new comment on our trip blog from this summer. Ummm.... I think I got a comment from a guy with a foot fetish! How am I supposed to feel about that? /-:

3. I love the Olympics!! This is so fun! If anyone taped/recorded the Opening Ceremonies, I'd LOVE to see!! We were 'retreating' and missed them!!

Pictures from home...

So I got an e-mail this morning from a member of my home church. Turns out that while I am basking in 83 degrees and sunny... my home church cancelled services this morning because of a blizzard. (=

Here are a couple of pictures that Betty sent me!!

Preaching

Ok... last post for tonight. (For those of you just joining me, please go down to the first post of the evening "*Whew* A lot has happened..." and read UP from there. This is my 5th post tonight!)

So... I know that God is calling me. That is confirmed more and more each day.

The last big hurdle, for me anyway, is preaching. I've been involved in almost all other aspects of pastoring... but I have NEVER preached. Never. No, not even a little.

And, I'm scared to death to do it. The responsibility humbles me. To think that God is entrusting me with His Word... trusting me to bring it to His people faithfully and acurately!!

Yes, I know that He will be the one that actually provides the words and message. And yes, I know, that He called me to this... He will provide the knowledge and strength.

And still, I am scared. I am overwhelmed at the possibility - not even having a CLUE about where to begin.

If you pray - please pray for me. Pray that God will be my strength and light. That His words would fill my mind... that I would be a faithful steward of the message that He has for His people.

And if you think of it... remember me in your prayers on the morning of March 5th...

School and calling

I'm going to keep typing... this feels good to get this out! So... after the relationship ephiphany...

School. And ministry. And my struggles from last quarter.

First year of school was amazing. I LOVE being back in school... I LOVE being where I know I am called to be. This was an amazing move....

And then, summer. Greek. My favorite class. My best grades. I loved getting into the text and seeing the nuances that the Greek can communicate that English just cannot even BEGIN to express. And scripture came alive. And I knew that I was in the right place... God was showing me again and again what this calling on my life is going to be.

And then... Fall. And my internship. And I was FINALLY back in ministry. First year, I church-hopped and just visited for awhile. I didn't get involved, I didn't sing in a choir, I didn't commit to a committee. And I think I forgot how life-giving ministry is for me. Until I started at Burbank. God brought me there for a reason - knowing it was a community where I could feel at home, be moved to action, and serve. I have been ministered to so much by this congregation.

They treat me as a pastor. (I know, more 'Duh!' statements from Ariel.) They're supposed to be treating me as a pastor, since that's what I'm learning to be. But... it's working. They think of me as a pastor - before I had fully embraced that identity. It's been strange - but great.

And then Christmas break. And wonderful time with family and new friends in Florida. And then being sick, and purposefully isolating myself while I tried to recover. And the wedding - with tons of family and friends. So, when I got back to Cali - I was tired and homesick. For the first time in 15 months, I was homesick. Literally sobbing for my family in Florida. I couldn't explain it - I didn't understand it - but it was there.

And so, God broke me. I HAD to take a break from school - there was no way I could catch up. And I had a lot to figure out before I was ready to wrestle with theological issues anyway.

I discovered that I need to not stress about getting out of here in 3 years. I'm not that old - only 32. And one more year won't really hurt my ministry - but will certainly help my heart. Perhaps I might be one of the few who graduate and actually stay a pastor for awhile. I need to slow down a bit, and minister while I study.

I know, novel concept! But... I hadn't really considered it. I was so focused on the end result that I forgot about this part of my journey. I'm called to be a student at Fuller right now. My calling for today and tomorrow and the next year... is to be a student of Theology. To prepare myself for ministry. But that doesn't mean that I'm on hold! It doesn't mean that I need to rush through this season of life in order to get to the "real calling".

By no means! THIS is my calling. Right here. Right now. And, in order to get the most out of it... I need to slow down and really experience this. I know that I will be a better pastor because of it. And, I might have opportunities to minister, even as I continue to be a student.

And so, I'm slowing down. I took a little break this quarter. And I might not ever go back to full-time. But I will finish this. Because God has called me to shepherd his sheep - and that is where I am most fulfilled - when I am living out my calling. I will not step back from this calling... but I am learning to listen to God NOW... and not just look for Him down the road.

Relationship Epiphany

So... after celebrating the union of Josh and Nicole... I got to thinking what that meant, practically.

Some of this may sound silly, but bear with me as I try to share how my brain works through this stuff.

1. Nicole is now a part of our family... forever.
Yes, I know this is a really silly thing to say... they got MARRIED after all. What else would I think... but... it's permanent... we're a family of 6, not 5. And I'm really happy about that. But I don't think I'd really thought about it. Sure, dad's siblings got married after I'd been born, so I had experienced the addition of people to my relatively small extended family... but I hadn't really ever thought about the changes that the marriage brings. Our family is forever changed - in this case for the better, for sure - but changed.

2. This led me to think about how I felt about that... and I discovered that I'm not ready for that amount of change in my life.
There is still too much of a mess in my life... and I'm just not really in a place to share my life yet. This is REALLY odd, because I think I've been longing for marriage since the breakup with Ed many moons ago (1996!!). God is doing some big things in my life... and the mess is just too messy to share just yet. Before any of you worry about my view... don't worry. I'm not planning on getting myself completely un-messy before trying for a relationship - I'm not that naive. I am fully aware that I will never be without a mess - and that, really, I need someone who can love my mess as much as I do... but... there is still some work to be done in me before I'm really ready for a grown-up relationship.

3. Discovering my underlying unpreparedness for relationship led me to consider why I thought that I wanted marriage, that I was ready for marriage, when clearly that's not at all where I am...
And I discovered that what I really craved was deep, intimate relationship - something that I've been missing for a long time. Most people who know me know that I'm good at making friends. But I'm not as good at maintaining friendships. I'm often good at surface level conversations (like Kyle noted about my obsession with talking about school last year) but rarely good at deep level sharing and discussing. Until recently. Something has happened here at Fuller - and I'm getting better at this. I have some incredibly great female friends (Michelle and Sophie) that have filled that hole in my heart. So I've been able to stop obsessing over finding a man to make me happy... and I realized how very happy I already am.

4. And then I realized that I'd been objectifying all the men in my life... every single one of them.
In my obsession with not being an "Old Maid" or missing out on my "child-bearing years", I looked at EVERY SINGLE MAN... yup, every one, as a potential mate - instead of as the friend that they were. I read something into EVERYTHING that they said and did, hoping against hope that they were trying to profess their undying love for me. So... men in my life... if you're reading this... I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. And I ask that you forgive me. I may not be able to ever talk about this to you in person... but I am so very sorry. I am grateful for your friendships... and I look forward to figuring out how to be a real friend to you...

And so, that was my epiphany. So I'm learning to be happy - not just content - with my single-ness. I'm thinking seriously about what ministry as a single, woman pastor is going to look like. And I'm learning to appreciate my friends... all of them... men and women.

Thank you friends - for loving the messed up crazy me that I am.

Josh and Nicole Howard!

My baby brother got married!! And, although it was a little strange to consider... I could not be happier. I LOVE my new sister... and I know that Josh does too. They make a wonderful couple, happy and committed... and I know that they have God at the heart of their relationship. That makes me even happier.

Have you ever been to a wedding where, deep down, you kinda know that it's not going to work? You know how odd that feels, right? And how sad?

Well, if you haven't had the opposite experience, let me tell you... it is so exciting. To be able to stand up in front of family, friends and strangers and offer words and music to show my support for this marriage... to sit and watch my brother commit his life to her with his words, and hands, and heart, and mind... to get to SEE his face when he committed his life to her... what an amazing day. To know, to KNOW, that God was there, in the room, knitting these two lives into one, to stand together ... what an amazing blessing.

Josh and Nicole, I don't know if you ever read this, but if you do... know that I love you both (well - all 3, even if I haven't met Belle yet!)... I am praying for you... and I will always be your big sister! If you need me, you know where to find me. Nicole, this goes for you just as much as it does for Josh. God did a neat trick when he brought you into our family... and I will be forever grateful to Him for you.

For everyone else... here are a couple of pictures of the cute couple... (and the new addition - a Boston Terrier named Belle!)

*Whew* A lot has happened...

...since I last posted.

Highlights:

1. Christmas with the fam was great! One of the highlights was the pastor at my parents' church (HI Jesse!) gave me a pastor's robe! Yikes! This is becoming more real...

2. Flew back to LA for New Years... and got REALLY sick. Almost had pneumonia. Missed the first 1.5 weeks of school.

3. Flew BACK to Orlando for my brother's wedding!! That will get a post of it's own, once I have some pictures... It was wonderful.

4. Flew BACK to LA and decided that, having missed 2 full weeks of classes, I could not begin to catch up... and so dropped my classes. Before anyone freaks out about this - it's really been one of the best decisions I've made in awhile. Again... I'll write a whole post about this soon.

5. I took the Bible Content Exam on Feb 3rd. This exam is 100 questions of Bible trivia and obscure details that my brain doesn't like. Now, don't get me wrong - I think knowing scriptures is INCREDIBLY important! But... I'm not sure if knowing, off the top of my head, that Jeroboam the 2nd was king while Amos was prophesying will help me much - especially since I don't know much about that king. But... I have to get a 71% to pass... and I won't know that for another 2 months. Who knew that it took 2 months to score a ScanTron sheet?!?! (Note the sarcasm!)

6. Got a job at school. More hours... good work.

7. Talked to my pastor about possibly working at the church and going to school part-time. More about this in the same post I refer to in #4.

8. Committed to preach SOON - probably March 5th (although Ross hasn't confirmed that yet). This has me scared... beyond belief... Again... I think it'll take a post of it's own... (=

9. The last post that I plan to write is about a relationship epiphany I had...


It's been a busy time... and I will share it with you, my fans, shortly! Probably one or 2 more tonight, before I go to sleep!