Reality....

Have you ever had that experience when you are so caught up in planning and preparing for something that the reality doesn't sink in?

For example:

My best friend Michelle married the wonderful and amazing Paul - creating a new family and starting a new journey. I KNOW in my head that this means things will be different... I KNOW that she is different in some way.... but it didn't occur to me until after the processional yesterday that it was REAL. I was blissfully engrossed in planning and details until that moment.... and I got hit in the chest.... HARD...

I'm sooooo excited for them. I KNOW God has blessed them and prepared them and ordained them (had to say this.... Michelle will understand!). I KNOW that God will continue to bless then and their relationship. I don't wish her singleness back....

But I wonder what this will be like for us now. And I don't think I'd really taken the time to wonder until today.

And then there's Chris. About to embark on journey of another sort. Called to a church in the Netherlands... moving tomorrow... giving away the rest of his stuff today. It was strange to stand together, chatting and laughing and remembering... and realize that from tomorrow onward, we'll have to chat on IM or email or blogs or something. That I won't see him, in person, until this summer.... and then.... who knows how long after that.

I don't wish him back to Pasadena. His calling to the Netherlands is fantastic and Godly and just right for him. Moving him forward in his faith and in his ministry. But, selfishly, I will miss him here. His friendship, his music, his writing.... and his presence. Finally putting Chris into the right corner of my heart... knowing where we stand as friends... and wondering how that will play out over the thousands of miles that are about to be between us.

God is doing amazing things in the lives of my friends. And I'm just beginning to look up from the planning and preparation to see the reality... not far away on some distant horizon.... but here, up close, in my room with me.... waiting for me to embrace it and learn to run with it.

God.... grant me the strength and peace to walk in Your reality... and not to bury my head in my own planning.